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10 No. 10
>> No. 50
"Don't come to San Fransisco. Cause i will fuck you in the ass"
>> No. 81
"No, I don't want stuff that sounds like farts, I want stuff that IS farts."
>> No. 141
"Maybe you can come over and we can wear each other's shoes. No gay shit, though. ;) ;)
>> No. 142
"I'm pretty horny."
>> No. 146
"That's like telling a man 'you're not having a period, go stick a tampon in your butt.'"
>> No. 158
"...Although I'd sooner knock out Paul Ryan's teeth and have him suck my dick."
>> No. 243
"I kinda wanna go to war with North Korea just because how funny it would be"
>> No. 260
(in response to a request to "fix Maz's speaker situation")
"He puts his microphone next to his speakers. The only way to fix that is a lobotomy."
>> No. 282
[feminine laughter intensifies]
>> No. 284
Milk makes me gassy.
>> No. 287
[when talking about when we had sex last]

Over a year.
>> No. 296
[when talking about Rockstar's PC release schedule]

Six to seven months.
>> No. 305
"I'm gonna be such a creepy old man, I can already tell"
>> No. 340
"This dick took 12 years to get erect!"
>> No. 344
She has a transsexual voice..."
>> No. 348
"Makes me wonder how small that dude's dick is"
>> No. 354
"I like crazy blonde bitches with too long hair."
>> No. 385
(repeatedly to Helmholz)

"One triangle prim to shove up your ass."
>> No. 395
"I want a president I can fuck"
>> No. 396
"I want to fuck the president"
>> No. 419
"Feel free to ~DaveKap that on the Quotes board. That's usually how I sign my emails at work, either ~Dave or ~DaveKap."
>> No. 450
[when referring to Dan Stevens being cast in Noah Hawley's Pale Blue Dot]

"so will he be British or English??"
>> No. 451
To MastaAce

"You're the reason they Invented Invisible mode"

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